Thursday, July 2, 2009

Redneck (wannabe) wedding- LIVE!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right. Anyone who has watched "My Big Redneck Wedding" on the CMT channel will appreciate this story, and those who haven't will love it just as well.

My neighbor's brother is getting married on August 29th, the day after my birthday. It's not your ordinary wedding by any stretch of the imagination. This wedding calls to be so damn funny that I am inviting everyone I know with a sense of humor to be here for a picnic/bbq using the excuse of my birthday, just to sit in lawn chairs and watch this train wreck happen.

Ok......the brother is 23-24, spent time in jail, and can't drive. The bride is a 40something year old former crackhead who looks 60. They met on MySpace, and he moved her to this area from an hour away in another town. She doesn't work, and he works about 30 hours a week for barely over minimum wage. She has no hobbies, and he restores mopeds and gocarts for fun. They just bought a handyman special doublewide down the street that from what I hear isn't worth the money they would make to scrap it, after they spent a year living with his parents. gets better folks............

The wedding will be in the front area of the orchard next door. (where the pic in my blog was taken) The reception will be in the back. The reception is a potluck of sorts.....yep....they told us to bring lawn chairs and a covered dish. THAT is definitly a first for me! LOL Since the landlord is VERY anal about the grass, they can't park in the front. They will be parking in the back by the chickenhouse and the coon hounds, and I (yes me) will get to shuttle folks with their chairs to the wedding area in my 4x8 trailer behind the Lowboy. (hehe the Lowboy has another role, which I am saving for last)

it gets even better.........

There will be a rebel flag hanging at the alter and one in her bouqet

Now please keep in mind that I am NOT a racist person in any way

The brother who lives here is married to a girl who is the only one in her family thats NOT married to a black man. (african american, whatever lol) The sisters are all invited with their husbands. The step-father is also black, and will be the minister. Remember the rebel flags? Yea...should be a lot of fun. Good things I always pack my .45, lol.

Now for the final touch on this once-in-a-lifetime wedding Remember how I said my Lowboy had another role in this wedding? Well......last week she (the soon to be bride) walked over with the wife next door to ask me a question. The wedding was 2 months away and they were just now thinking of wedding pictures. She walked over and started talking in that mumbled broken sentance brain fried voice of hers, while leaning on the tractor. I'll quote the rest below....

"Will this fine piece of machinery still be here in August?"
"Of course it will, it's mine"
"Do you think we could have our wedding pictures taken on it?"
"I want to take our wedding pictures on it"
"Why sure! Go right ahead!"

Now keep in mind this tractor is fully functional and does it's job well, but it is in NO way a pretty tractor. The body panels don't match, it has 2 different shades of yellow, the hood is spray painted an off-white, most of the decals are missing, the rims are rusty, and the mowing deck needs desperately painted. It's a tractor, I mow with it, I haul stuff around with it....I don't wash it, and it surely isn't restored to it's just off the dealership look. It's old and worn. But.....they asked, lol. Now tell me, who could pass that up?????????????????

Anyone wanna come to a picnic in August? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

busy busy busy

I started that side-work for the Dr's that Lisa works for, and they found me even more work there. I started to sort out the junk stored in their basement into piles, and BOY what piles I have. One trash, one Goodwill, and one to come here for yard sale. Hey, they want to just throw this stuff away, so why not? We need the money and it's going somewhere it's wanted. Now they want me to do more landscape work since they really liked the work I did with the stones and gravel. I'll probably start there on Friday, pulling out some close-to-dead shrubs that are in the shade and get no rain. After that will be misc painting, cleaning, fixing an air leak in the lines they use for air-powered dental tools, and building shelves for storing models. (tooth/mouth models in boxes) After that, it seems they have more work in their other 3 offices. I don't mind the work, and we need the money, so again I'm wide open for all I can handle.

I *may* have some other work, doing things for a friend, though I will feel really bad taking money from her and her family. I have to tell the background story so you can all understand why I said that. I worked with Donna 22 years ago at a Woolworth store. I was good friends with her, and I got along well with her mom and dad, especially since her dad was a long time hunter and shooter. We stayed in touch when I left to work in a gun shop, and only 2 years after I left, she began to get sick. It started with (spelling?) troxin-barr, then went to cronic fatigue, then lymphoma, and now another cancer that I can't seem to remember. She hasn't been able to work since the first diagnosis, so figure around 20 years. Now she can't do much of anything at all, and her parents are older. Her mom is 82 and her dad is 86, and suffering from worsening dementia. He can't remember how to do things, or at times what he was doing. He was always the fixit guy like I am, and now he couldnt remember how to put the battery back in his lawn tractor. Of course, he can't see whats happening and doesn't want help even though he needs it. Donna needs someone to run errands for her (banking, pharmacy, groceries etc) and her mom just wants help with the things her dad can no longer do. I may have this gig, depending on IF her dad remembers me AND if he accepts the help FROM me. I told her that I would do things just to help, but she insists on paying me if this happens. It's a rough spot for her, and a rough spot for me. I want to help a friend and her family, but I can't afford to drive 30 minutes each way whenever something arises. I'll just have to wait and see on this one.....the whole thing just makes me sad.

Here at home, the garden is looking GREAT. We spent a couple hours this evening weeding before the forecasted rain comes for the next 2 days. The tomato's are blooming and should produce soon, there are loads of potato's coming on, and the peppers are blooming too. Even the first double row of green beans has tiny beans on them already. Ahhh yes, it won't be long now till the canner gets another huge annual workout. We walked around the yard after we were done weeding, checking out the other things we have planted. The grapes have vined out like mad over the temporary pipe and rope arbor, and the grapes are just above pencil eraser size. We actually were able to eat a few of the raspberries from Tammie's reservoir raid this spring, and the blackberries are covered with small green berries. It's looking like it will be a good year for fruit around here! The strawberries appear to be done for the season, and are sending out hundreds of new runners. I'll dig that new bed next week....ya know the one I have been talking about for 2 months? LOL Yea that one.

Garage roof pictures, LOL. First row is potatos. 2nd is half white onions half yellow onions, 3rd is more potatos, 4th and 5th are double rows of green beans, 6th is turnips, parsnips, and beets, 7th is tomatos, 8th is misc peppers, 9th is cabbage, 10th is cucumbers, 11th is pumpkins and gourds, 12th is a friends row of misc (his first gardening), and last are 2 rows of sweet corn. To the left in front of the clotheslines is the small first strawberry bed. Past the garden is the blackberries, and behind that is the larger strawberry bed. Tomorrow if the rain holds off, I'll get pictures of the raspberries, grapes, and blackberries more up-close and personal.

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