Thursday, July 2, 2009

Redneck (wannabe) wedding- LIVE!!!!!!

Yes, you read that right. Anyone who has watched "My Big Redneck Wedding" on the CMT channel will appreciate this story, and those who haven't will love it just as well.

My neighbor's brother is getting married on August 29th, the day after my birthday. It's not your ordinary wedding by any stretch of the imagination. This wedding calls to be so damn funny that I am inviting everyone I know with a sense of humor to be here for a picnic/bbq using the excuse of my birthday, just to sit in lawn chairs and watch this train wreck happen.

Ok......the brother is 23-24, spent time in jail, and can't drive. The bride is a 40something year old former crackhead who looks 60. They met on MySpace, and he moved her to this area from an hour away in another town. She doesn't work, and he works about 30 hours a week for barely over minimum wage. She has no hobbies, and he restores mopeds and gocarts for fun. They just bought a handyman special doublewide down the street that from what I hear isn't worth the money they would make to scrap it, after they spent a year living with his parents.

Oh......it gets better folks............

The wedding will be in the front area of the orchard next door. (where the pic in my blog was taken) The reception will be in the back. The reception is a potluck of sorts.....yep....they told us to bring lawn chairs and a covered dish. THAT is definitly a first for me! LOL Since the landlord is VERY anal about the grass, they can't park in the front. They will be parking in the back by the chickenhouse and the coon hounds, and I (yes me) will get to shuttle folks with their chairs to the wedding area in my 4x8 trailer behind the Lowboy. (hehe the Lowboy has another role, which I am saving for last)

it gets even better.........

There will be a rebel flag hanging at the alter and one in her bouqet


Now please keep in mind that I am NOT a racist person in any way

The brother who lives here is married to a girl who is the only one in her family thats NOT married to a black man. (african american, whatever lol) The sisters are all invited with their husbands. The step-father is also black, and will be the minister. Remember the rebel flags? Yea...should be a lot of fun. Good things I always pack my .45, lol.

Now for the final touch on this once-in-a-lifetime wedding Remember how I said my Lowboy had another role in this wedding? Well......last week she (the soon to be bride) walked over with the wife next door to ask me a question. The wedding was 2 months away and they were just now thinking of wedding pictures. She walked over and started talking in that mumbled broken sentance brain fried voice of hers, while leaning on the tractor. I'll quote the rest below....

"Will this fine piece of machinery still be here in August?"
"Of course it will, it's mine"
"Do you think we could have our wedding pictures taken on it?"
"Umm.....what?"
"I want to take our wedding pictures on it"
"Why sure! Go right ahead!"

Now keep in mind this tractor is fully functional and does it's job well, but it is in NO way a pretty tractor. The body panels don't match, it has 2 different shades of yellow, the hood is spray painted an off-white, most of the decals are missing, the rims are rusty, and the mowing deck needs desperately painted. It's a tractor, I mow with it, I haul stuff around with it....I don't wash it, and it surely isn't restored to it's just off the dealership look. It's old and worn. But.....they asked, lol. Now tell me, who could pass that up?????????????????


Anyone wanna come to a picnic in August? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

6 comments:

Lynnanne ~ Indiana said...

Okay, so I've been a lurker on your site for a while now... but this forced me to climb out from under the woodwork. I won't be in your backyard for the wedding, but you can bet I'll be waiting for the video that you take!! ha. what a hoot! If I were you, I'd offer to shoot the video and submit it to one of those crazy shows... you could win money off this one, from the way it sounds.

Jen said...

Ok..once again...im speechless. But I just about fell outta my chair when you said she started talkin' in that "mumbled broken sentance brain-fried voice." lmao. This is gonna be a GOOD one and one i sure do wish I could attend the festivities. Trust me, if I lived any closer I would be there first thing in the mornin' so I wouldnt miss a thing. Way too funny!! Ya gotta keep us posted.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

You MUST post the wedding pix--candids, please. I can only imagine (or, maybe, I CAN'T even imagine) what events the wedding festivities will hold. I am marking my calendar...C

AutumnRose said...

....waiting to hear about the wedding......(hope you all had a great 4th!)

Happy Days said...

I would love to come. Bob has an aunt in Springfield, we could visit her and pop out to your place at the approx. correct time. Will bring my camera and some popcorn....debbie

Angie said...

All I can say is "Oh my!". Can't wait to see the pictures!

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